Not sure

Why would one hurt themselves knowing its going to hurt the ones that love them most? I understand depression I've been there played that game but always seem to be able to realize that its not helping.. Diving into food or beer is not going to make the problems go away and as a matter of fact is going to make them worse. Why would someone do this knowingly knowing that the answer is just to get out of the situation and deal with the fall out its going to happen anyway.. Blogging here figuring no one reads this and I need to get it out.. I love this man with all my heart but don't understand why hurting himself feels it won't tear my heart out since I can't be with him. Lots of tears shed and lots more to come I'm sure but not giving up now.. I've come this far hopefully my love will mean enough someday.